***Man as Universe***, *Christina Mokwa + Katherine Alt* (2025)
Digital collage

Visions of the Future

(or, about the author)

Where do we go from here?

I’m so glad you asked.

For a long time, I didn’t exactly know. But now, I have a clear vision of exactly who I hope to be. The first step seems to be the ability to claim authenticity over fear of embarrassment.

It’s an odd thing — to claim you are no longer going to contort yourself into wildly unnatural shapes — for others, for survival, for some illusory sense of safety — and then to live it.

This, I’m starting to realize, requires a lot of saying no. Disappointing others, and smiling gently — in order to say yes to myself.

Once beloved (now disgraced) English writer Neil Gaiman used to say that he couldn’t believe that writing was a job — that, in essence, you got to write whatever you wanted, wake up in the afternoon, and no one got to tell you what to do.

It was a job, as he put it, on the fringes of adulthood — beholden to no one (save the occasional editor).

That’s what I’ve always wanted for myself.

Freedom, autonomy, agency — a life creating. Ever attempting to navigate my complex relationship with the numinous. An endless exploration of the ephemeral. To use my gift of a soul in service — as a translator of a language from a realm just beyond — infinitely, inexplicably, intimately married to our own.

Truth be told, since the cradle, I’ve been fixated on the idea of power — on creating a space for my own independence — attempting to reject the intuitive interdependence of life’s ecosystem. After my near-destruction, I wished to need nothing, and for nothing to need me. Only now, in my 30s, do I realize how naïve and irresponsible such a worldview is.

It is only with the ferocity and indomitability of unconditional love that I’ve recovered my soul — and my place as a star — in the great night sky of being. Now, I’m simply heeding the call only I can hear — to duty, to responsibility, to an appropriate wielding of my personal power.

As much as I’ve considered other paths, I understand now that I have to make my own.

Though I do not know the shape of the journey, I know how I want it to feel. I don’t think there’s such a thing as a superior way of living, or being — except for an honest one — so that’s how I’m going to move through mine. Simply by asking the most dangerously direct, authentically adventurous, curiously courageous questions — and by moving toward the light of what I find.

How will I know it when I see it?

Here are my ideas:

ENGAGEMENT

PODCAST
For the first time in my life, I feel strong enough to talk about what’s happened to me — not just to write about it. Writing, somehow, feels safer — a protective layer of forethought and glowing screen separating me from the terror of using my own voice. But with enough time, enough gentleness, and enough love, I’ve come to a place where I can finally see that I’m enough, too. Within this newfound sense of groundedness comes the strength to share what I’ve lived.

FILM
I’m honored to be part of a collection of survivor stories put together by Amanda Mustard and Luke Malone, as a follow-up to Amanda’s groundbreaking documentary ten years in the making — Great Photo, Lovely Life. The follow-up mini doc is due to debut as a video op-ed, published by The New York Times, in late 2025 (or early 2026).

EDUCATION

TEACHING
I couldn’t stop teaching if I tried. Though I’m deeply disillusioned with our modern education system, I’ve always believed that learning and feeling are the most direct paths to healing. With my Empathetic Education Hub, I hope to share what I’ve learned — and lived — in an attuned, embodied way.

GRAD SCHOOL
As if this wasn’t enough, I’m contemplating graduate school. Temporary insanity, I know. Pray for me.

EMPOWERMENT

WRITING
I’ve spent the last few years writing about my experiences. Every spare moment I’m not focused on the podcast, I’m in front of the screen — pouring it all out, page by page. Somehow, I’ve also written a poetry book. I have full faith that when the world is ready for them, they’ll be on the shelves.

SPEAKING
Seeing survivors speak their stories was one of the first ways that I became braver. When the time is right, I’d love to share my own via the public forums, events, and communities I admire — lookin’ at you, NPR.

EXPERIENCES
I’ve held community circles and a private psychedelic consultancy since 2023. I’m looking forward to hosting events in Colorado and on the Oregon Coast in the next few years, with the help of some trusted friends.

EXPLORATION

TRAVEL
In the midst of all this, I’m hoping to travel. Finally seeing the places I’ve been dreaming of late at night — exploring Angkor Wat, walking the Kumano Kodo, completing a women’s equestrian expedition through Iceland. I can’t wait — I’ll make sure to take the best pictures.

MOTHERHOOD
Still a looming question mark. But something I’m allowing myself to hope for.

This is your formal invitation to come along. I’ll be keeping a few things to myself, but on the whole, expect a woman unabashedly herself. Someone who loves you with an open heart, and wants the best for you — even if she doesn’t know you.

Someone who isn’t afraid anymore.

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Visions of the Future