About our founder

Christina Mokwa

about

Origin & Inspiration

The story of Mokwa and the story of my life are one and the same. After a series of experiences of near death, loss, and revelation, I made the conscious choice to let go of the carefully constructed life I had clung to for meaning, status, and acceptance.

In a moment of revelatory, tender love, my body and spirit allowed me to access the knowledge of my child sexual abuse at the hands of a family member.

This inner knowing simultaneously formed and shattered me. So much of my life instantaneously made sense – the choices I had made from places of excruciating pain, the relentless suicidality that had plagued me since early childhood, the deeply unhealthy nature of the partners I had attracted and chosen in relationship – my contribution to those deeply unhealthy dynamics – and the emphasis I placed on those relationships for ultimate meaning and value.

I spent the year following the revelation actively suicidal.

Every moment was a struggle, a challenge, and an opportunity to stay alive.

I let go.

In the space of that surrender, I found my bravery, my compassion, and my purpose.

I began to rebuild what had been ripped away from me.

I began to trust my spirit.

I made choices from a place of knowing, a place of hope, and a place of belief in myself, and my abilities.

From a place of anguish, grief, and deepest suffering, I chose to rebuild my life, my family, and my relationships – I chose, most of all, to reconnect with my own soul.

From the inside out, I grew – in equal parts strong and gentle.

Where once there had been fragility, resilience reigned.

And a part of me that I had never allowed to know love began to blossom.

I made the choice to begin acting consciously, as the vessel of my values in the waking world. My spirit knew this was the way to break the curse of intergenerational trauma that had plagued – and bound – my abuser and me.

I made the choice to walk in truth – to embark on the bravest adventure I could imagine – expressing my own spirit, giving all I have, and sharing all I have learned – to support other survivors along the way.

It is the deepest wish of my heart that this space becomes a beacon, leading survivors on their journeys to heal, grow, find strength, or find peace.

May we all rise together,

Christina

get to know me

DELVE DEEPER

my personality

DISCOVER

the timeline

MY LIVED PATH

PART I.

The violence of birth, death & loss

• 1991 •
I’m born on November 16th, at 6:26 am. After being born 10 weeks premature, I’m taken to the NICU – and fight for my life. Shortly before Christmas, I’m reunited with my mother. I experience what, by all appearances, seems to be an idyllic childhood on Long Island, New York.
• 1995 •
In the summer, I am taken on a trip to visit family in the Midwest. It is on this trip that I am raped, sodomized, and threatened at gunpoint.
My abuser threatens that if I ever tell my mother – or share what I endured with anyone – he will kill both my mother and me.
This is my first conscious near death experience.
Soon after, my symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome, extreme cortisol levels, severe anxiety, depression, and disassociation begin.
I later learn that my abuse was a reenactment of my abuser’s own experience – as a survivor of sexual abuse in his own childhood – at the hands of a member of his own family.
1/5
• 1997 •
By the age of 6, the memory sinks beneath my conscious awareness.
In the spring, I move to Wellington, Florida.
I become actively suicidal, without understanding how, or why. I spend the next two decades attempting to understand the generational trauma of my family, my intuitive psychic pain, the root cause of my suffering, and the suffering of those around me.
I also begin to exhibit symptoms of insomnia, social anxiety, and atypical startle responses. My thoughts are plagued with intrusive visions of violence. I develop a deep rooted sense of existential dread, suicidal ideation, and disturbing thoughts. Night terrors and sleep walking become nearly nightly occurrences.
2/5
• 1997 - 2007 •
Physical and emotional manifestations of trauma make themselves known as I develop methods to cope. In childhood, the trauma of my family of origin leads to an anxious attachment style, extreme self-isolation, intellectualization, and severe social anxiety.
Instead of warmth, touch, and love, I turn to books. This healthy form of dissociation lays the groundwork for my future in the healing space, education, and mental health care.
My psychic pain begins physically manifesting more strongly, most often in the form of debilitating migraines, exhaustion, body, bone, and joint pain, and worsening IBS.
As my mother engages in self hatred driven numbing behavior, masking her emotional inaccessibility and depression through food, my own disordered eating, control issues, anxiety, and depression become reinforced.
Devastation, despair, and denial are the continuous emotional weather within our larger family unit, with narcissism driving the cycle of abuse.
3/5
• 1997 - 2007 •
This constant pain leads me to further dissociate from my body, feeling like a stranger in the strange land of my family. I feel alienation, shame, grief, rage, and guilt, with no ability to outwardly express them. Instead, I look inwardly, and use my interiority, intellect, and coping mechanisms to survive to the best of my ability.
A trip to Italy renews hope and allows me to feel a joy I once thought unreachable. I then get an inkling of the role travel will play in my healing, later in life.
My Sicilian grandfather is my only emotional safe place and source of solace.
4/5
• 2007 – 2010 •
In the winter of 2008, my grandfather, John DiMario, passes after being ravaged by particularly aggressive pancreatic cancer. The family begins to fragment due to the loss of its irreplaceable patriarch. My aunt and uncle divorce, my cousin’s lives are thrown into tumult, and I feel more alone than ever.
Adolescence leads to struggles of individuation, self worth, and independence, and the desire to escape pervades my every waking thought. I feel I have no clear center, no true north, and blunder through the world as insecure, heartbroken, and looking to be rescued.
This leads to an increase in risk taking and sensation seeking behaviors – driving under the influence, engaging in deeply abusive and traumatic romantic relationships with older men, and seeking out experiences that mirror the familiar toxicity of home.
My extreme emotionality, lack of impulse control, and enmeshment begin to peak. I desperately attempt to keep them under control, while preparing to leave for college.
Intrusive thoughts of my abuser dying intensify, and isolated flash memories begin without warning, fueling my insomnia.
5/5

PART II.

Survival as a competitive sport

• 2010 •
In my first ever adult experience of intercourse, I freeze and vomit. As a result of the encounter, I become pregnant. I depersonalize, and nearly commit suicide on the roof of Broward Hall, my college dorm. In the course of my medical abortion, over holiday break, I experience dangerous side effects and excruciating pain. These are my second and third near death experiences.
Emotionally derided by my mother’s and father’s lack of response, I receive no emotional support.
Fueled equally by pride and shame, I bury my head, and continue my undergraduate degree.
In the wake of my devastation, I engage in a string of unconscious, increasingly harmful relationships, leaning on alcohol and social distraction to numb the estrangement I feel from my body, mind, and spirit.
At my thinnest, I weigh ninety-five pounds.
1/7
• 2012 •
On holiday break from university, my abuser begins a new campaign of sexual terrorism, gaslighting, and intimidation. During this same period, I discover non-consensual, incestuous, underage roleplay pornograpy, along with secret social media accounts.
After three days of not eating, not sleeping, and excruciating analysis paralysis, I make the choice to present the evidence to my mother.
After her initial shock, and an emotional few hours of sharing, we confront my abuser.
Breaking down when confronted, my abuser discloses the sexual abuse that occurred throughout his childhood.
When I beg my mother to disconnect from my abuser, she refuses, citing her desire for security, comfort, and an unwillingness to start over.
The emotional gulf between us widens.
2/7
• 2012 - 2013 •
Under the guise of preserving family unity, my abuser begins therapy. As a practiced and skillful narcissist and manipulator, he psychologically outmaneuvers the therapist – and quits therapy in a number of weeks.
I distance myself from my family, unable to cope with their inability to face uncomfortable truths, and their seeming return to normalcy. My non-linear flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and C-PTSD symptoms increase.
I feel bitter, resentful, lost, and disillusioned.
A hatred for men grows that it takes many years to dispel.
3/7
• 2014 – 2016 •
In 2014, I graduate from university.
I move back home, no longer able to lean on distraction, alcohol, or other destructive outlets. Sharing a space with my parents again leads me to repress my true self, and a dull, aching broken-heartedness takes over. I begin to re-engage in the disordered eating that dominated my childhood.
As my health worsens, I begin courses of Lexapro, Synthroid, and receive a Nexplanon implant. I desperately grasp for any sense of direction in the midst of the immense internal turmoil I feel.
4/7
• 2016 – 2019 •
As my career in education begins, I throw myself into the role full force. I start to develop and build my first healthy romantic relationship, but this excavation of my childhood – and wounds – brings to light the emotional education I was unable to receive from my parents.
As my partner and I move into our first home together, feelings of suffocation, repression, fear, and confusion pervade.
As my Nexplanon implant is re-inserted, I begin to experience a significant shift, a radical change in the way I show up in the world. Struggling with major weight gain, sharp and unpredictable shifts in mood, a biting and venomous temper, and major self-isolation and social anxiety, I lean on the numbing techniques I have perfected all my life.
Though my partner, Michael, supports me emotionally, and we continue to learn and grow, I feel like I’m descending onto a pit – on the precipice of re-discovering something dark, long-buried, and monstrous. Something I do not know if I can survive.
5/7
• 2016 – 2019 •
The bifurcation of my internal life and external life becomes excruciating, and the self betrayal nearly unbearable. What I do and say no longer reflect what I feel and believe. Though my life looks idyllic, I feel deep rooted anger, a complete lack of agency, and desire to escape.
I know in my intuitive heart this is rooted in my childhood, but cannot pinpoint the exact cause.
My career progresses as my passion drives me, but the realities, politics, bureaucracy, and omnipresent conformity of traditional education alienate me from my true desires – to create, innovate, and express my innermost self and ideas.
As my foundational romantic relationship deepens, trust and mutual understanding begin to blossom.
Years of unmasking, and the shared desire to address, tend to, and heal our wounds of childhood, lead to a long term partnership rooted in expanded awareness. As we begin to acknowledge, and consciously release ourselves from, the toxic modeling of our respective families, we grow closer.
6/7
• 2016 – 2019 •
We reeducate ourselves on communication, being in relationship, and decide together to plot our own course for how we’d like to exist in the world and live our lives together. We begin a process of living in accordance with the expression of our own spirits, natures, and values.
This process of conscious redirection is equal parts heartbreaking, challenging, and emotionally grueling, taken on in the hopes of creating something true, strong, and enduring.
Marred by my worsening physical and psychological symptoms, and fueled by frustration, I flush my Lexapro.
After desperately breaking down to my doctor over the phone one morning, the second Nexplanon implant is emergently removed.
7/7

Part III.

The messy art of staying alive

• 2019 •
As the mental fog begins to lift, I feel more centered, aware, and awake, but still deeply unhappy. Removing the chemical birth control and medication from my system allows me to see my life with more sharpness and clarity. Though I feel grateful for this, I cannot ignore what I can now see, which means accepting the tremendous responsibility of my own life.
I being to consciously craft my life – focusing on habits, routines, and practices that will heal and sustain me.
Most of all, I begin trying to honor my inner voice.
My health begins to gradually improve.
I begin to reconnect with the spiritual practices I first begin in childhood – vipassana meditation, intentional fasting, and yoga.
I reinvigorate my relationship with Buddhism and Zen through the teachings of Alan Watts and Sam Harris.
An old student and friend, Sahar Barzroudipour, introduces me to the work of Ram Dass. His work resonates with me beyond the work of any other teacher, and a splitting open begins.
1/5
• 2019 •
I begin to experience a reawakening of soul and spirit. I let go of the maladaptive coping mechanisms of the past, and instead focus my attention on physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual methods to address my deep sense of uprootedness, though I do not yet remember the originating wound.
Through a series and string of connected coincidences, in the summer of 2019, I connect with Damian Nyman*. A Harvard-educated former psychotherapist 13 years my senior, his being strikes directly to the heart of me – our soul connection is undeniable.
Inspired by the depth of my feeling, and the intuitive knowledge that the relationship would somehow allow me to break free from the cycle of existential pain, suicidality, and stagnation I was locked in, I allow Damian into my life.
Driven by the conviction of my belief, I place my trust fully in Damian. Though unexpected, we feel called to explore this deeply passionate and inspiring connection, that we cannot explain in words.
*Pseudonym used to protect anonymity
2/5
• 2019 - 2020 •
In the winter of 2019, a series of experiences deconstruct my life.
In October, I survive, unharmed, a car accident that very easily could have been fatal. During the crash, I re-experience moments of my childhood, and recover more isolated flash memories of my sexual abuse. The memories are clear, but non-linear, and I am unable to link them to the larger timeline of my life. This fourth near death experience allows a part of me that feels unsettled, discontent, and called to adventure to rise to the surface. I recognize this deep desire to leave my life behind, but do not immediately act.
In December, Damian and I meet for the first time. Directly after our second intimate experience, I reconnect to the memory of my most severe episode of child sexual abuse. As the memory plays in front of me, I begin to break down. Completely broken, and yet, deeply vindicated by the realization, as well as the identity of the perpetrator, Damian and Michael work together to stabilize me.
As Damian flies back to his home on Maui, Michael and I depart for a family holiday. The three of us vow to work together to create a plan of action that will keep me safe.
3/5
• 2019 - 2020 •
Michael and I maintain composure through the trip, leaning on one another for support.
In early 2020, my mother contracts what is then described as “a severe, unspecified pulmonary illness”, as well as walking pneumonia in both lungs, shortly before the COVID–19 pandemic begins. After two hospitalizations, major blood loss, and a blood clot that develops into a pulmonary embolism, my mother nearly loses her life.
When we return, I plunge into the deepest depression of my life, surviving minute by minute. Actively suicidal, I contemplate methods to end my life ceaselessly – my abuse, sodomy, and the intimidation by my abuser playing in my mind every waking moment. I’m unable to eat, sleep, or function.
Knowing that I cannot confide in my mother at this time, and that she needs me most, I leave my career in education. I focus on taking care of her, and simply surviving, for the next six months – all as COVID-19 is changing the world.
As my private condition worsens, I bury my pain to care for my mother – who has no awareness of my realizations regarding my sexual abuse.
In the wake of such immense pain, my self hatred peaks.
I have no idea what to do next.
4/5
• 2020 •
As the world shifts in the wake of the pandemic, the physical, mental, and emotional symptoms of my abuse are exacerbated.
I experience the worst suicidality, depression, grief, and manifestations of C-PTSD of my life – all while gripped by the terror of the consequences should my abuser somehow realize what I now know. Tension headaches, fibromyalgia, TMJ pain, IBS, and panic attacks occur daily.
A fifth near death experience occurs when a half hearted suicide attempt fails. Over the course of those six months, Damian and Michael take shifts to support me on a near constant basis, as a form of suicide watch.
As my mother begins to stabilize, I research any and all methods of recovery for survivors, and am appalled at the lack I discover. I seek out community forums, like Reddit.
Finally, I reengage my reading and research on alternative healing methods, as a last hope.
Damian connects with a practitioner on Maui with experience at the intersection of trauma, indigenous medicine, and healing – Elizabeth Johnson, a fellow Harvard graduate, and facilitator.
I book a flight to Maui – sharing very little with my friends and family.
5/5

Part IV.

Courage as the antidote

• 2020 •
In the summer, I leave for Maui. Cared for by Damian as I further fragment, he gives me the space to begin processing the trauma of my life for the first time. With time away, physical distance, and connection to nature, I begin to heal.
I take part in my first private ceremonies with plant medicines – and my first ever uses of psychedelic substances – under Elizabeth’s and Damian’s guidance.
In the second session, my life is changed irrevocably – and I know in my soul this work is my purpose on this earth – the purpose I was always meant to find.
After a number of sessions, my healing deepens. Responding to the messages received during ceremony, I stop taking my current medications, Synthroid and Linzess.
When I return home, my primary care physician and endocrinologist report that I am in the best health of life – and that my medications are no longer required.
After returning to the mainland, I further pursue alternative methods of healing, and lean on spiritual and holistic practices to honor my progress. I purge my home, donating half of my possessions, and begin to find hope.
1/3
• 2020 – 2021 •
I continue to create new patterns of healing, feeling, and self loving. I move beyond awareness of my struggles, and intellectualization of my pain, to felt acceptance of what is, in the present.
I visit Maui to continue my inner work with plant medicine, now working with groups of women focused on addressing and transmuting our own traumas and lived experiences.
Through these circles, I make meaningful community connections, reconnect to spirit, and cultivate reverence for the land and its people.
I begin attending events on trauma, somatics, and psychedelics, with the goal of expanding my knowledge. As I detox from my medications, my mind becomes more clear, and I become more stable, centered, and grounded.
2/3
• 2021 •
In September, the suicide of an old friend leaves me shaken, and leads me back to Maui.
As a product of our deep connection, and my response to the work, Elizabeth agrees to take me on as a student of her lineage – of spirituality, knowledge keeping, and ancestral plant medicine.
I take to the work instinctively, and make connections to a community of survivors with experiences similar to my own, serving them in individual, intimate partner, and family ceremonies.
I begin to understand that my life has been a conscious unfolding, so that I may heal, and serve others who have also experienced childhood sexual abuse. My friends and community urge me to use my abilities, knowledge, and gentle, intuitive care, to guide others.
I now realize that the void I discovered when attempting to locate resources for myself is my ultimate purpose, to fulfill and heal.
I celebrate my 30th birthday on Maui, and vow to do everything I can to restore balance, comfort, and peace to myself, my family, and my larger community.
3/3

Part V.

Trauma driven transformation

• 2022 •
Almost two years after recalling my abuse, I make the decision to seek justice. At the start of the new year, I fly to the Midwest.
After a half day of flying, I arrive. As I reach my destination, Damian’s mother passes away. He returns home to Cambria, bereft.
I tell no one where I am, or what I am doing, apart from Michael and Damian.
After an exhaustive, emotional, and life-changing interview with law enforcement, I fly home. On the flight back, I feel a lightness, freedom, and sense of courage previously unknown to me. I shift my focus to healing and supporting my family, especially my mother.
Two days after returning home, I disclose my childhood sexual assault publicly for the first time – to Jordan Peterson, via a live lecture and Q&A event, in Miami – though I do not name my perpetrator.
We also touch on psychedelics as a potent healing modality for victims of generational trauma, the psychedelic legacy of Harvard, and the meaning of forgiveness. Peterson later goes on to interview academics and inspirations Dennis McKenna, Roland Griffiths, and Robin Carhart-Harris.
I leave incandescently inspired, ready to begin the journey of navigating the legal system, creating Mokwa, and sharing my story.
1/3
• 2022 •
As the summer unfolds, my focus is internal. I continue healing, growing, learning, and research extensively to understand what survivors are seeking regarding services and resources.
I decide my goal is to provide what I was not given as a child – to be the person I was looking for when I was younger. I know that this will be my way to authentically embody my spirit and soul.
I commit to relentlessly pursuing justice against my abuser – and to share the truth.
As the months wear on, and the investigation progresses, I collaborate with various law enforcement agencies, including the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, and the Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, including agents from the FBI.
I do this while in close proximity to my abuser, who no longer contacts me, and still does not know I have recalled the events of my abuse.
2/3
• 2022 •
In the midst of this re-traumatization and tumult, I focus on rebuilding my health, and allowing my creativity to flourish in the safety I have created for myself. I begin to write again, reach my ideal weight, and am medication free.
I broaden my education by becoming a certified trauma professional, complete a course on complex post traumatic stress from Harvard University, and learn from Gabor Mate via his curriculum, Return to Wholeness.
Through solitary ceremony, utilizing and perfecting my own personal protocol, I heal ancestral trauma, nourish, and recharge – all while repairing and strengthening my relationship with my mother, after the disclosure of my abuse. We recover, grow in compassion and strength, and find a newfound respect for one another as mother and daughter.
My relationships become more peaceful, collaborative, and harmonious.
More memories slowly begin to reemerge. As the wheels of justice turn slowly, I continually, proactively, engage law enforcement. As the civil statute of limitation is set to expire, I partner with one of the most well regarded young attorneys of the Midwest, to seek justice for all that I have suffered.
Together, we work to serve my abuser before my 31st birthday, the statute's expiration date.
I continue crafting Mokwa.
3/3

Part VI.

Soul retrieval

• 2022 •
My abuser is confronted by law enforcement and is served in November. Though promising to work with law enforcement in his initial interview, he immediately retains legal representation.
As I ready myself to face this next season of change, I process emotions of grief, acceptance, and liberation.
I attend Microdose – a Miami-based conference at the forefront of the psychedelic movement. While there, I share my story with notable community members, such as Paul Stamets, and receive essential support and encouragement to bring my vision to life.
1/4
• 2023 •
I share my story more widely, going public to my extended family.
I accept a short term position with Florida Guardian ad Litem, specializing in sexual exploitation and human trafficking – strengthening my understanding of practical advocacy, while honoring survivors’ experiences and stories, as they heal and grow.
2/4
• 2023 •
In spring, Mokwa debuts.
I devote myself, wholeheartedly, to my mission. I begin serving survivors internationally, sharing my story more widely, and speaking with the mentors, guides, and influences that made Mokwa possible.
By sharing my story, I hope to inspire survivors to speak about their experiences, break free of the cycle of trauma they’ve inherited, and to lift others up, amplifying these long silenced voices.
In fall, mutual agreement is reached among the parties.
The vision of Mokwa continues.
3/4
• 2023 – Beyond •
I walk the world hoping to help and heal, documenting the beauty of the cultures and people I share the way with.
Mokwa launches courses, resources, and an audio series aimed at creating a platform for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and telling my own story.
I take my place in the world.
I no longer hide.
4/4

Get to know me personally

I feel most alive when expressing my innermost thoughts and feelings, sharing my knowledge and creative vision, or advocating for those most vulnerable. I thrive in environments where passion, clarity of thought, and empathy allow me to move through life following my intuitive heart. I cultivate opportunities to experience the human spirit’s wellspring of joy, while simultaneously allowing for, and gently holding, those in the throes of deepest grief.
I feel most at peace as a listener, a helper, and an adventurer – consciously carving my own path forward, guided by my inner knowing.
As such, I love physical and mental pursuits that challenge and excite me. Skydiving, rock climbing, hiking, and horseback riding are the main ways I encourage play between my mind, body, and soul.
I am driven by a fundamental desire – to experience, navigate, and explore altered states and inner being – in order to cultivate a relationship with my own soul that serves the highest personal and collective good.
I walk the world motivated by my conviction – and my belief in the power of feeling as healing.
I’m innately drawn to the transcendent beauty of art, music, literature, and film, and see these modalities as expressions of spirit which, in equal measure, move and inspire me.
Awe and deep emotion color my daily life. I experience my humanity as a series of cycles and seasons, each unique in their lessons and beauty – which allow me to embrace – and compassionately commune with – all shades of my spirit and shadow.
I laugh loudly, share plentifully, eat and drink with grateful enthusiasm, and delight in the sumptuous splendor of the sensory world – all while holding the understanding that in the brief and transitory nature of our human experience, we are only spirit.
Most of all, I accept with humility and grace what is – falling into surrender – while simultaneously striving to fulfill the sacred duty of my soul – taking my place in the creation of a better future for all.
Showing others my love and care is what allows me to embody my true spirit. I feel pure joy when I’m given the opportunity to express this through the pleasure of food.
I love cooking and baking for others. On a relaxed day, you can find me headed out early – to the local farmer’s market, baking in the kitchen to my favorite jazz records, or curled up with a book, a cup of earl gray lavender, and my three cats.
Propelled forward by an intrinsic energy of enthusiasm, exuberance, and wonder, I throw myself wholeheartedly into each challenge that arises on my path, and relish the opportunity to be brave.
Vibrant, iconoclastic, and undeterred by fear, living out my soul’s expression requires that I embrace the necessary role I play in the destruction of systems, modes of being, and ways of thinking that have outlived their usefulness – serving as a harbinger of new paradigms, schools of thought, and means of seeing the world.
Living out my purpose with honor means embracing the divine power of my own voice – to speak with equal parts sensitivity and strength – and to believe, above all, in my ability to boldly embark on the adventure I choose as my life.
My truest duty is to myself – to embody my mission and vision in every moment – and to make the conscious decision to embrace my inner gifts.
Travel as a conscious practice is central to the personal path of my own healing, and has allowed me to experience the world, myself, and those I love with openness, empathy, and tenderness.
It is my intention to serve child sexual abuse survivors worldwide – especially those who lack access, resources, or the ability to travel themselves – in the comfort of their own homes.
In the time I’ve not committed to creative or philanthropic projects, you can most often find me on the islands that most shaped my life – Aruba, Capri, and Maui.
Speaking about my lived experiences drives my soul – and shines a light on the emerging possibilities within the fields of psychedelic medicine, intergenerational trauma, and child sexual abuse treatment.
In so doing, I honor my inner guide in service to our human family.

Get to know me professionally

As a young woman, what I most longed for was the understanding required to make sense of my traumatic experiences, the tragedy of my fractured family, and the deep-seated suffering of those around me.
Wounded and yearning, I did what came naturally – I read. Inspired in equal parts by classical and spiritual works, I began to feel again – and to understand the purpose of my human life – in all its magnificent fragility.
I started down the path of inner work – excavation, examination, and exploration of my own soul, first and foremost. Studying what called to me intuitively – Eastern spirituality, Jungian psychology, and, eventually, altered states – led me to the intersection of transcendent experience, ancient religion, and multicultural shamanism.
My fascination with beauty, myth, and the ancient world led to a minor in humanities, and fueled my lifelong love affair with visionary art, sculpture, and poetry.
After university graduation, a part of me felt drawn to the idea of becoming a clinical psychologist. This well trodden path promised safety, legitimacy, and security.
My north star told me this would not, and could not, express the true intentions of my soul.
I had no idea what, or who, I would become. But in that moment, the voice of my inner knowing spoke to me – soft, gentle, and sure. For the first time in many years, I began to listen.
Having no idea where it would lead – I felt my way – moving one lighted step at a time, with absolute trust that the next step would appear.
I was determined to embark on a different journey, to forge a singular path – even if I had to carve it out myself.
Teaching awakened parts of my soul long buried – so long buried, that I had forgotten they were once the foundations of my very being – my confidence, passion, and creativity.
The sacred gift of stewarding young minds created the conditions for my own awakening, forcing me out of the isolation created by the depth of my suffering.
When my unconscious life ended – and the revelation of my abuse was inescapable – I knew I needed to change my life entirely in order to save it. In that process of letting go, one of the things I grieved most deeply for was my career. The idea that I’d never teach again was crushing.
I hoped that someday, when I felt ready, I would be able to share all I had experienced, and learned, with those I loved.
As my path as a guide and facilitator began, in the midst of my own personal healing journey, I released any and all expectations of the future, including that hope – knowing that if it was meant to be, it would be, in its own time.
In the natural course of my apprenticeship, more and more people were drawn towards me, open-heartedly sharing their stories of childhood sexual abuse.
Many of them were strangers.
These spontaneous moments would happen anywhere and everywhere, unexpected and unbidden – on beaches, in cafes, at dinner parties. Once, in an elevator.
It was as though I was emitting a frequency I could neither see nor hear, but that others – particularly survivors, with shared experiences – could feel.
I realized that by relentlessly pursuing my own process – of healing, surrender, and acceptance – my purpose had made itself known.
I had become what I had always dreamed of, completely outside of my conscious awareness. I became a beacon of light. I became a safe place.
It was in that moment that I realized my self-actualization was a result of letting go – a byproduct of my absolute surrender, never an achievable end in and of itself.
I began to understand that my greatest gift had always resided within my own soul – beyond my resistance, fear, and doubt.
After countless conversations, cups of tea, and afternoons spent cleansed by the saltwater and sun, those close to me urged me to find a way to make use of my gifts – to hold with compassion other childhood sexual abuse survivors, as I had held them.
Those early conversations and voices shaped what this space would become. I can never adequately express the depth of my gratitude for them.
After years of personal work, deepening and expansion of practice, and extensive research and development, Mokwa was born – a one of a kind of educational, community-oriented service platform.
At the conclusion of my apprenticeship, and after a solitary rite of passage in concert with the plant spirit ayahuasca, I could no longer excuse my inaction.
I knew in my true heart that the only path forward would be the one that honored what my spirit knew. I was also inescapably aware that it would begin a painstaking process of purification – stripping me of everything I was not, and forcing me to confront the face of my abuser head on – the face I had seen in the mirror for as long as I could remember.
In that moment, I knew I had no other choice.
I could never champion others if I had not done the work myself, for myself. I knew then that I must voluntarily choose to take on the enormity of my own experience.
Bypassing, repressing, or denying my own pain was no longer a viable option.
In the span of two days, I made the decision – and flew to the Midwest from Maui to report the crimes against me, where they had occurred.
The stark cold of winter jolted me back to reality with a harsh immediacy. I will never forget the days I spent there, transported to my three year old reality.
To return meant to break the family curse, for both of us.
In the warm shelter of that windowless room – time – and the entirety of external reality – ceased to exist.
Through the visceral, universal language of tears, I was able to speak the unspeakable.
My statement took more than three hours.
It was then that I experienced the quiet power of compassion – of bearing witness.
As I exited that room, for the first time in my life, I felt what it was like to truly breathe.
I flew back to Florida with a sureness and solidity previously unknown, inconceivable to my previous self.
The true nature of my spirit had made itself known. I made a pact with my innermost being – to honor it, no matter the cost.
I promised I would never make myself complicit in its silencing again.
I wrote, I researched, I processed, and I allowed myself to feel – for the first time in nearly thirty years.
In the newfound safety of my mind and body, my creative hunger began to reemerge.
To make manifest my deepest dream, I leaned on learning as my guide – once again.
I plunged back into the worlds of trauma, healing, and psychedelics – absorbing all I could from an array of assorted disciplines – to serve myself and others.
Somatic healing taught by Peter Levine grounded my body and physical practices. Spiritual guidance from Thich Nhat Hanh, Ram Dass, and Adyashanti allowed me to access inviolable trust in myself as inner guide. Relational healing with Gabor Mate taught me to see and honor the inner child of those I connect with, treating that inner child with love and gentle grace.
Studying complex post traumatic stress disorder and methods of recovery via Harvard Medical School was the definitive experience that united my academic, experiential, spiritual, and emotional knowledge.
As the year came to a close, and on the verge of the case against my abuser coming to light, I completed training to become a certified trauma professional, attended conferences on the future of psychedelic medicine, and shared my story with some of the figures that meaningfully shaped the course of my life’s journey, including Jordan Peterson and Paul Stamets.

Your Compassionate Champion

When connecting with me, you can expect an open heart, fearless optimism, and a dynamic, intelligent collaborator – one who embraces challenge, change, and the opportunity to serve as your compassionate champion.

Most of all you will be heard, in place of merely being listened to. You will gain the trust, shared experience, and support of a like-minded soul – whose equal parts confidence, maturity, and sensitivity will allow you to safely open.

My heartfelt goal is to walk with you in gentle grace on the path of your own journey, in the uniqueness of its own unfolding.

It is my honor and privilege to feel with you, unafraid – willing and able to help carry the burden of your immense experience.

Christina’s personality traits

INFJ - The Advocate

meyers briggs typology

“There is no deed in this life so impossible that you cannot do it. Your whole life should be lived as a heroic deed.”

– Leo Tolstoy

DISCOVER THE PERSONALITY OF THE ADVOCATE

Just the Facts

WESTERN ASTROLOGY

Scorpio Rising, Scorpio Sun, Pisces Moon

LANGUAGES SPOKEN

English (native/C2), Italian (intermediate/B1), Japanese (basic/A2)

WISDOM TRADITIONS

Southern Italian folk medicine (Benedicaria), Shipibo, Navajo (Dine), Celtic (Roebuck)

WHEN I’M NOT WORKING

Cooking, laughing, making art (photographic and digital), engaging in some kind of flow based movement practice + furiously scribbling into my notes

WHERE YOU’LL FIND ME

Maui, playing with my cats + avoiding social media like the plague

WHAT I’M RE-READING ON THE PLANE

Goethe’s Faust, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, Ovid’s Metamorphoses

STRENGTHS

Wit, grit, expansive empathy +a killer smile

WEAKNESSES

Well-dressed men, self-doubt, the desire to always have a trip planned (and upgrade to first class)

WHAT MAKES ME SMILE

Dogs, cats, + horses, nine-minuite voice notes from friends, unexpected summer rain, physical touch as my love language

WHO I ADMIRE

Brene Brown, Ryan Holiday, Thich Nhat Hanh (check out the gratitude wall for more)