Waltz of Womanhood // Animals Such as I
Dara Lobeira, Moon Child Cyanotypes (2022)
On Gods & Monsters
Waltz of womanhood // Animals such as I
I.
Step here
Step there
Be palatable
Do not think of Xibalba
Keep your eyes straight
Don’t look down
Or it will consume you
(The fire you cannot see)
(But can only feel)
Keep your eyes straight
‘No!’
‘Not like that, Christina!’
The blow hits my back
Unforgivingly
‘You have to let the man lead!’
I lower my gaze
But heighten
My chin
‘Or what?’
The chorus of my mind, echoes
‘Or what?’
Licking my canines
I taste the blood, of what he has not suffered
My rage dances within
As I dance without
What caves
Has he entered?
What lives
Has he birthed?
‘Keep time, keep time!’
The Voice screeches
I lick
My other teeth
Inevitability
Entropy
I see it all before me
I would part the sea
To make my own way
Not as man
Not as holder of the staff
But as woman
Mother
Daughter
Of everything
That lives
‘Let him lead!’
I hear her scream, again
I look up at my supposed tactician
Handsome, acceptable
And this time
I laugh
Full-bodied
Like the hound
That I am
(Blood rising)
Head thrown back
Baying
To Brother Wind
And Sister Moon
Smile
As wide as the cosmos
II.
The music stops
And I look into
My appointeds eyes
Placid, and blue
A chiseled jaw
A path as straight as the bluebird
A spirit as carefree
(A shine, in his eyes)
Reflections of a familiar bonfire
Across the distance
That is men and women
‘You’re so beautiful when you smile’
In the moment before
The Moirai
Attempts to strike me again
I turn and face her
Whole, and holy
I meet her gaze
Across the ages
Of my womanhood
Across the faces
Of all life
She becomes the looking glass
And shatters
When I choose to look away
Some creatures
Are not made
To be bound
III.
I can still feel the slip
Of the freshly waxed parquet
Between Madison and Park
The feel of his suit
(Brioni)
The smell
Of Gardenia
(His favorite)
The weight
Of the family diamond
The Ceylon sapphire
But
I am nobody’s wife
I am nobody's daughter
(As they say, God has no grandchildren)
I am meant
For the rivers and fields
Forever bathing
In the silence
Of the Sublime
The divinity of a Destiny
Still unknown to me
Driven by a sacred heart
My companions
The vestal Virgin
The raucous Ram
And others, to come
Still nameless
Drawn by the inexorable call
Of Beauty
IIII.
In the moments after
Her shattering
The rings clatters
To the floor
The bluebird calls to me, bereft
Singing the only song
He knows
But I turn
Certain
(Wolves do not bed bluebirds)
(Animals such as I)
(Do not waltz)
On my heel
And leave
Without a trace
Never to be recovered
V.
If you must seek me
Look to the stars
Look to the rivers
And fields
But only, if you must
I howl in bliss
Among my brethren
Wedded only
To the Moonlight
Of my own Desire
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*Written work by Christina Mokwa – © Christina Mokwa/Mokwa LLC/Mokwa Creative Company
